I bring you disappointing news to start with. I am writing this week’s sardonic missive from a hospital bed. I’ve had another disagreement with my transplanted kidney such that my water is as thick as Jake Connor and the colour of Ringo Starr’s submarine.
As if I hadn’t suffered enough having first been able to attend the Salford game on Sunday afternoon. This was always going to be something of a non event. Red Devils coach Paul Rowley claimed that he could see ‘green shoots’ before the game but declared himself unhappy with his side’s performance afterwards. He thought they should have been more competitive.
Yet if he was surprised by Saints’ 58-0 victory he must have been just about the only one. The loan acquisition of 2018’s Danny Richardson was never going to be enough in itself to bridge the massive chasm that now exists between Salford and just about every other Super League side.
On the subject of what used to be known as scrum halves Head Coach Paul Wellens chose not to bring George Whitby back into the 17. The youngster had to sit out last week’s win over Leeds Rhinos after suffering a head knock in the game prior to that against (checks notes…) Salford Red Devils. To be fair to Moses Mbye he virtually solved the ancient conundrum of our kicking game against the Rhinos but it was still slightly surprising to see him retained at the expense of Whitby, who had to settle for 18th man duties.
Saints scored 11 tries in all and - in the week when That Saints Pod discussed ways of improving the atmosphere and general match day experience - the concept of signature music for individual players when scoring a try was reintroduced. Those of you old enough might remember the late 1990s-early 2000s when every mention of Sean Long’s name by the stadium announcer was accompanied by James Brown’s ‘I Feel Good’ and Keiron Cunningham’s by the slightly less critically acclaimed ‘Tubthumping’ by Chumbawumba.
All of which became somewhat ironic when Cunningham the Head Coach accused his many critics among the fan base of ‘tubthumping’ when they suggested that the likes of Jack Owens, Lama Tasi and Tommy Lee would probably not get us to the promised land.
Of the latest versions Kyle Feldt’s was a bit of a head scratcher. His hat-trick of four-pointers were celebrated with Glenn Campbell’s Rhinestone Cowboy - presumably a reference to the 11 years he spent with North Queensland in the NRL. Yet celebrating his association with his former club seems a little off to me. Like Manchester United playing ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ every time Michael Owen scored for them. All five times.
Yet some of those old tunes from the turn of the century are still considered appropriate. If you had a penny for every time you heard Dr Alban’s ‘Sing Hallelujah’ at Saints you wouldn’t be going to work tomorrow. That cult classic followed two more tries from Owen Dagnall in another impressive performance on the wing. I thought he deserved more than the Dr Alban treatment. Especially for his bizarre second half try for which he almost accidentally kicked ahead before comfortably winning the race to the ball to touch down.
As Morgan Knowles gets closer to the exit door it feels like every try he scores could be his last for the club. His score in this one courtesy of a great line run and a perfectly timed pass from Mbye was his first in nine games. He has a maximum of 14 games in a Saints shirt remaining before he becomes a Dolphin. If he doesn’t manage to squeeze any more in this was a fitting way to close the account. And the music? Spandau Ballet’s ‘Gold’. Sometimes the fans do get to choose the playlist.
Later, Daryl Clark’s try prompted a blast of Bruce Springsteen’s ‘Dancing In The Dark’. I haven’t heard the crowd singing that one so I’m assuming our Oscar Wilde-like team behind the scenes just found something to rhyme with Clark.
Feldt is just back from injury so it was worrying that he picked up a knock which saw him hand over the goalkicking responsibilities to Jonny Lomax after Saints’ second score. The skipper did a more than serviceable job landing seven of his nine attempts. Feldt had missed both of his early efforts after he was originally chosen to take over the role from the absent Whitby.
Hopefully Feldt is ok despite his reluctance to swing Saints play Hull FC, Leeds and Leigh in the next three. All are rivals in the playoff race so it would not be a good time to worsen an injury list that already includes Jack Welsby, Lewis Murphy, Mark Percival, Curtis Sironen, James Batchelor and James Bell. Harry Robertson also left the scene around 15 minutes before the end. Hopefully that was something of a Wellens declaration rather than yet another injury concern for the versatile young star currently filling in at centre.
That gave Saints a 20-0 half-time lead with no prospect of the green shooting Red Devils making a game of it. You would have been forgiven for thinking that you might rather have been somewhere else. Maybe you were. The crowd looked rather more sparse than the 10,192 announced. And Roger Moore in Live And Let Die was on the telly. Or you could see several hundred artists that men my age haven’t heard of on the BBC’s coverage of Glastonbury.
Saints piled on more points in the second half. It was so routine that Chris Hill passed an HIA which has to be one of the more familiar sites in rugby league. I do hope that it is the ruse of a veteran operator and not his employers and he playing fast and loose with his help. He seems to pass these tests with more frequency than Jack Bauer passed polygraphs. I hope I sail through what is potentially my final blood test tomorrow with similar ease.
Along with Dagnall two more Saints managed to cross for a brace. One time scapegoat Tristan Sailor has 12 for the season and would have had a triple of his own had he not passed the ball to Jake Burns behind the try line. It was all a bit disrespectful for my tastes and risked being wiped out as it prompted a video review to make sure Burns was onside. Yet Sailor’s stock is rising among fans and outsiders now to the extent that he is among those nominated for the player of the month award. MC Hammer’s ‘U Can’t Touch This’ in case you were wondering.
For his part Burns pinched another from dummy half. He did well but I confess to not being convinced by him in the long term. My overriding feeling every time he injected himself into the action was that he’s a bit small. He can’t be much taller than me and Jimmy Krankie. At 25 he’s no emerging youth star either. His time is now. But is it with Saints?
And so to Hull FC on Saturday (July 5) when hopefully I won’t have to use my internet data on my iPad because the NHS WiFi can’t cope with Sky Go. I’m already having to settle for tennis and women’s football instead of the cricket. A win against the black and whites would be hugely helpful to our playoff chances. And is quite plausible since Hull’s rejuvenation under John Cartwright only seems to extend to playing away from home.
The doctor has just been in. There’s a reasonable chance I’ll be getting discharged tomorrow.
Get well soon Stephen!
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